Persuasive paragraph for my charity

When making my website and my charity, I needed to get into terms of exactly what my charity does, how it helps as well as persuade my audience into donating to it. I wrote a paragraph which would look good on my website as well as for research of my charity. The paragraph consists of persuasive techniques like using pronouns like "you" and "we"; I have done this to engage the audience into the sense of community, making them trust my charity as well as the direct address making them feel as if their help with benefit those in need. My paragraph also uses direct address to get the attention of my audience and make them understand how important their help is to us, as a charity.

The paragraph appears only small because it needs to fit on my website, it needs to be short and sweet to get the attention of my audience.

I have improved my persuasive paragraph, by making it longer to get the attention of my audience better as there is a lot of techniques that would persuade them into donating to my charity or involving themselves with the charity in some form. Here is my improved paragraph;

I have added more paragraphs as well as persuasive techniques to get the attention of my audience.